10,000 feelings!

What a lovely day! Full of soo many emotions!For those who don' know me personally, this is a big deal and something to be celebrated!

It started out a bit rough, I got some sad news late last night from a friend and I fell asleep praying for him and just feeling sad about some things. I woke the same way, with this friend on my mind and wondering how it is that things turn out the way they do. Then I just got angry. Satan is such a liar and a thief and destroyer. Stupid...evil...!@#$%

Then I got mail! I opened my email to find a sneak peek teaser clip of my audition video sent to me for my viewing pleasure. Can I just say, that ABS (film guy) is a genius! A 30 second clip and if I wasn't sold on trusting him to put my story in film before...I do now! Happiness, excitement, anticipation, joy!

Then...I got a phone call from Nicole! Would I like to go to Kensington for a walk with her and baby Nic? Heck Yeah! Kensington is my absolute favorite park in East Michigan and it is a gorgeous day! So we went for a walk...a 3.5 mile walk. It is amazing how walking that far seems like so little when...1. You are in the presence of a good friend and 2. you are in decent shape, despite the size. When we ended, I looked at my pedometer and told her how far we had walked...and both of us were surprised! SO easy! While on the walk...we decided that Spring is a lovely time of year in Michigan. It is like the earth is waking up. Walking this same path in winter...all you hear is the crunch of your feet on snow....but now...NOW you hear the birds chirping, the woodpeckers pecking, the squirrels chattering. We saw a muskrat in the river...and the best part...2 cranes decided to walk down the same path we were on. They were heading towards us...and like any polite couple on a walk....moved off to the side and walked off path (3 feet away) as they passed us. We turned to watch as they moved back on the path as they passed us and just continued down the path....like this is NORMAL!!! Absolute delight in God's creation, peace, joy, comfort, love, surprised.

I came home from this lovely time to be able to find my friend Lisa from Kosovo online and I was able to chat with her for a bit. We talked about some things going on in Kosovo with some of the kids there that just made me angry again at the deceitfulness of Satan and how he just never gives up. The thing is...he just doesn't know what he has unleashed in me...by messin' with my people!!! Then somehow we got on a topic of my story (abuse story). I am still not sure how this happened, but it was so good to talk to her about these things. It must have been a God thing! So good! anger, love, comfort, peace, healing.

Had some dinner...worried about my weigh in tomorrow. Thought briefly about not eating anything tonight and just waiting to eat again until after the weigh in tomorrow...but dismissed that thought pretty quick. Regardless of the scale, I am after total health...and that kind of mentality and behavior is not healthy. I would love it if I lost at least 1.1 lbs this week as then I will officially be at the 50 lb mark. Nervous, anxiousness.

Then I decided to go for a run. I headed over to the state rec area by my house with a plan to run the trails there. My plan was to drive to where it meets the river then run up to the campground...which I figure is about 2 maybe 2.5 miles. If it was still light enough, I would go back...if not...I would walk home...because the campground is about a half mile from my house and have mom drive me back to get my car. So off I went. It was so pretty with the evening sky overhead peeking through the bare trees. I have decided that while trail running is harder...I think I like it best so far. I don't seem to pay attention to time or distance. I just run until I simply cannot run anymore. Sometimes that is a long time...sometimes it is 100 yards or so. Then I walk. Peace, awe, inspired, strong.

Then, the light began to fade really fast. I looked around and realized I am not sure how far I have gone or how much further to the campground. I have never been on this trail before and in the fading light I began to panic that what if I am not on the path I think I am. What if I am not heading towards the campground at all. I went forward for a little longer thinking I need to decide. Am I going to keep going or not? If not I need to turn back now (or 10 minutes ago) to make sure I get back to my car and don't get lost in the woods at night. I chose to turn back. I began to run but I could not run faster than the fading light. I could no longer see the mud slicks that I managed to avoid on the way out, so I began to slip and slide. Then as I was still trying to avoid mud, I was tripping over twigs and sticks, that I swear were not on the path on my way out. With panic beginning to set in my mind began to race, my heart began to pump with adrenaline as the full realization of the stupidity of this situation hit me. Clearly someone had followed behind me putting sticks and stones in my path to trip me up, right? I began to think of all the horrors that happen to women on dark lonely paths. I realized how alone I was...and how stupid this idea was to do this so close to dark! THEN my mind decided to remind me that a few years back, a young woman did get raped and killed in these very woods. Granted it was by her boyfriend that she had broken up with and he didn't like that very much...but still. I ran faster. I ran until I couldn't breathe and absolutely HAD to walk lest I pass out. I walked as fast as I could until I was able to breathe again then I took off running. Based on a pure estimate, I think I made it back to my car in half the time it took me to get out there. It is amazing how fast adrenaline can make you go when you feel like your very life might depend on it! I got back and in the light of the car, I was able to see my pedometer. 3 miles. Which means that I was closer to home than to my car when I decided to turn back. Ironic! Terror, fear, relief.

I got home in time to see that my mom had a TV show on called "How I met your Mother"....or something like that. Which I had noticed on Facebook earlier that a friend of mine was going to be on that show. She had told us what to watch for..as she is an extra. If you watched this show...my friend Tamara was the woman on the TV screen that was having a baby and one of the main characters delivered it. It was quite cool to see her on TV! Pleasure, joy, happiness, excitement, pride.

Now...I am feeling silly for writing all this out. But all in all...I did 6.5 miles today. Pride, accomplished, strong.

I've GOT this Thang!