I am down 8 lbs! While I do see this as a victory, there is still some disappointment in that it is not a new 8 lbs lost. Actually only 2 of it is new. But I am on my way. And hopefully, I won't turn back again. I have been silent on this matter for some time now. OK, so I started the blog to write about the up and down struggle I have with losing weight and I have only written the ups :-) Hmmm I hope to get better about that.
I was asked by a dear friend last night how he can proactively support me in this journey. I had no answer for him. I know that I know that I have his support without judgment or condemnation. In fact I have many people in my life that I have that with. I truly am blessed in that way! My problem is, when I am struggling, I don't see that. I hear loud and clear my own voice in my head that screams of my failures and insecurities. So I plod along in my own way and because I am very VERY good at putting on a good face...no one knows I struggle. Then I wonder why no one notices.
I do know that I am not up for every person in my life asking me daily how I am doing and where I am at with this struggle or any other. I tried that. It doesn't work. It just highlights my failings that much more. Besides that, if you only knew how many amazing supportive people I have in my life...you would know how overwhelming that would get.
I am up for giving a few key people in my life free reign to ask anything, anytime, but please don't ask me publicly (as if I need to say that to those key people). You know if you are a key person. IF you are wondering if you are a key person...I am sorry...but you probably are not. Anonymous friend mentioned above...come out of your head a minute...you are one of them :-)
Some people may get their feelings hurt by this, but as much as I am up for honesty and relationship and authenticity...I have to go with what I need in this. I have to think about me. Imagine that...what a concept :-)
So I will see you on the downside...and if I think of more proactive ways you can support me...well I will let you know!
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Since the moment we met, I've always thought of you as the poster child for Bob Bennet's song, "You're Welcome Here."
Here's the lyrics:
1. Lord, I hear you knocking, You've been knocking at the door. How long have you been waiting? Seems I never really heard you before. I've kind of let the place go, I'm ashamed at what you'll find. But you can make yourself at home if you're sure that you don't mind.
(Chorus)
Cause when I cry, the roof leaks. And when the wind blows, the walls are weak. But a house is known by the company it keeps. And I feel better now that you're near. And I want to make it clear, Jesus from now on, you're always welcome here.
2.There are dark rooms deep inside me where your light has never shown. And I tried to hide inside them, but I guess you've always known...
That one day you would call me, and I'd awaken from my sleep. And you'd take me just the way I am, and promise me you'd keep me.
(Chorus)
In all due respect, I know you've had dark rooms deep inside that have been protected from any outside intrusion. That's how you've survived the overwhelming baggage you'd otherwise be illequipped to handle. I couldn't recognize it if I hadn't experienced it myself.
I think you're absolutely correct when you say that you'll make us aware of how we can proactively support you. But, first you'll have to discover what it is for yourself. You probably don't know yet and will only discover it as you live it, day by day.
Again, thank you for sharing and trusting us.
I love you!
Mama Rico
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