Reality Check!

AS I said in my last post, the last few weeks have been filled with travelling and not eating the best and not much exercise to even make up for it. I think the worst thing I did with my eating was to not eat as regularly as I should and skipping meals completely. It is because I skipped alot of meals that I know I did not go over calories.

My plan was to weigh in yesterday, but I got a later start leaving Grand Rapids....yes I always procrastinate my departure...and well, I don't like to eat anything before I weigh in. So, it was noon before I even made it to Aaron's office to deliver a coffee and say bye to him...and he very gently (as is his way) asked me if I was still planning not to eat until after I weighed in! (which would put my first meal of the day after 3 PM!). Nope, not planning to do that anymore...so I stopped and had lunch with Carol...then headed home. Of course, then I did not want to weigh in with food in me....do you see my procrastination???? I was very nervous about how bad my last few weeks were going to show on the scale!

SO this morning, I was procrastinating once again, but still moving towards getting ready to go out to weigh in when I received a text from Aaron...wondering where the scale update was!! All right! All right!! Already! I will move faster!

All that to say, I weighed in today for the first time since my gain of 1.4 lbs and found I had lost 2 LBS. I was quite surprised! I got off the scale and then got back on! It read the same thing! I couldn't believe it! It is interesting....all my talk about how the scale is just a tool for feedback. Completely unbiased honest feedback...and yet I still fear it at times...guess that is one more idol that needs to keep being brought back down to the low place it deserves, even when it gives me numbers I like!

I am now .5 lbs from hitting 50 LBS!! Come on Tuesday!!! I am excited because on my weight loss ticker in my sidebar...I am now far enough away from my starting weight that you can read all 3 numbers...starting weight, current weight, and goal weight!! Before you wouldn't have known there was a starting weight, then it overlapped it and didn't know what it was!! Very fun!!

Grace

This week has been one of grace. Despite my angst and anger and wonderings last week of the justice and mercy of God, I feel like God has been my constant companion this week. While driving in the car alone and continuing to wonder, I have at times felt almost a physical presence with me. While walking around this city of mine, I felt as though he walked beside me. Even as I type this I know it sounds so cliche. But truly, I know I am not alone. I know that God is not going to change who He is so I can feel like justice has been done, but He is also not going to deny me the right to feel the way I do. My anger does not scare him away. And He feels no need to hurry to make me feel better about it either. He is content to sit with me while I wonder, as long as it takes. That is grace to me.

I have also been extremely thankful for the friends who have sat with me, listened, and cried with me...and also felt no pressure to fix this for me. Especially the men...who tend to be fixers anyway. It was good to be able to just talk out loud and be heard. That was grace with skin on.