Showing posts with label brothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brothers. Show all posts

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Self-Talk

Yesterday as I was thinking about my Saturday, I realized I had one time slot in which I could work out, which was the morning. However, I stayed out waaaayy too late and actually ended up not crawling into bed until 6:30 AM after taking my roommate to the airport then deciding to get my grocery shopping done. I crawled into bed and decided that 11 AM was my designated time slot to work out regardless of whether or not Mike called to say he was going or not, which would give me almost 5 hours of sleep.

11 AM came and I did NOT want to go. I did not want to even open my eyes. I thought, who can I get to go with me so that I would be motivated or at the very least, I wouldn't let someone else down. Laurie-couldn't, Mike-hadn't called me back yet, assume he can't go in the AM, Adam-won't/can't go in the mornings, Aaron-probably still sick, Virg-out of town....the list goes on.

As I pondered who might want to go to the gym, battling the horrible roads...and who would be up for going RIGHT NOW, this thought came to me. "How come it is ok to let myself down and break a commitment to myself, but not to others?" How come I am not getting my but out of bed with urgency and focus simply because I said to myself last night that I was going to the gym today? Why do I need a commitment to someone else to propel my ass out of bed to go to the gym?

Then I pondered going and doing just enough to say I went. Well after my previous thoughts, half assing it just wasn't going to work for me. Either I was going and going all in, ready to burn some calories...or I wasn't going to go. Simple as that. I had a choice to make. Am I important enough to myself to keep commitments to myself about the things I want regardless of if anyone else is involved or not? Who knew that a decision to go to the gym or not on a really cold snowy morning with little sleep would turn into such a huge deal!! (and all of these thoughts happened in the first 30 minutes of my first attempt to open my eyes...this is kind of like a miracle...ask my brother!)



I went.



Soooo Victorious! Perhaps I am getting one decision closer to a wholly healthy ME! Now THAT my friends is Beautiful!!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Unfounded Fears

It has been an interesting and challenging week and a half since my last 1lb gain. From the day that I found I gained 1 lb through that first Sat, I lost 3 lbs by very carefully counting my calories, discovering that I don't eat ENOUGH, and meticulously logging my time at the gym. I was ecstatic as I was on track for a 4-5 lb loss for the week, which would have been amazing!

On Sunday, I found out that I really needed to go home for a few days to help with my nieces and nephews while their mom and dad spent much time at the hospital with their oldest, Gavin. I was gone from Sunday night until Thursday afternoon, staying with 5 young children, and pretty much becoming a single mom overnight! It was a lot of work and after having a week of feeling really good about my eating and exercising, I had no idea how I was going to keep it up while at home. I felt very out of control of my environment, my time, the food that was available to me (their church was bringing in meals), or my ability to exercise. My drive home was full of anxiety as I worried about Gavin and worried about how I was going to choose to be successful in this and not resigned to failure.

On Monday after my first full day with the kids. This is what my schedule looked like.
6 AM Wake up to some child needing to "go potty" or wanting to be fed.
6:30 AM all the kids are awake by now and demanding to be fed, changed, dressed, or something
7:30 they want a snack

Pretty much the whole day was spent, preparing food for meals or snacks, cleaning up from meals or snacks, or trying to figure out the caloric count in foods that are brought in for us that I have no idea what is in them...Since I had little idea, I went for eating small amounts of things or eating fruit (which doesn't stay with you long-therefore feeling like I had been eating all day! Then on top of that feeling like, how in the world do you fit in exercise when you have 5 kids hanging on you all day and no stroller to fit them all.

SO here is what I did. I took control. I called my brother Ken and asked him to come sit with the kids for a bit so I could go out for a walk/run. Thankfully, he has been reading my blog (Yes Ken, I know you came back :-) I have a handy tracker :-) and therefore he knows what I have been up to and he came to my rescue. Thank You Kenny! So, I was able to go for a mile walk/run and it felt good. Not that I like exercise yet, but it felt good to feel like I had some control over my circumstances and that despite what looked like might turn out to be a bad ending to a great week, I was able to end it well.

On Tuesday, I went and found a scale to weigh in on. I do NOT recommend weighing in on a scale different than the one you have been on. I got on and it said I had gained 13 lbs since Saturday! Now in reality, I may have eaten a few extra calories on Monday, and may not have burned as many calories as I have been burning at the gym during my run walk, however in order to have gained 13 lbs I would have had to consume 45, 500 calories in a day and a half and not burned anything! I laughed at this scale, walked out and said...until I get back home I am considering my Saturday weight to be my weight for today!

Thursday and Friday was crazy busy and so today I went back to the gym, and weighed myself...I am on track. But since today is not my normal weigh in day, you will have to wait until Tues to find out where I am.

I didn't get to work out after that first workout on Monday, but it is not like I was sitting around either. 5 Kids under the age of 4 is a LOT of work and you move a lot taking care of just there actual physical needs. I must have gone up and down the stairs at least 30 times each day. Then there is all the toe touches as I picked up toys from the floor each day! Then there is carrying the 25 lbs of 1 yr old around each day! And that is just the work of it. That does not include all the playing, wrestling, and dancing with the princes and princesses at the balls we had!

All in all there were lots of victories this week. The biggest being that my fear that being home means inevitable failure or back tracking or gains or whatever you want to call it, does not have to be true! I decide. I am in control. I can win this war!

Now for a cute kid story since I spent the week with them. All of the kids love to play dress up. Their favorite is to be prince and princesses with the beautiful gowns and whatever clothes Garrett determines are the best for a prince to wear! While in costume, they are really in character. And of course all fairy tales that involve princes and princesses also include an evil witch. That role always falls to whatever adult is around. AKA Me. Emma, the 2 yr old princess wanted an orange peeled. After asking nicely to have one and I began peeling it for her, she looks at me and say "Do it _itch, Do it" Ummm "Excuse Me?" The princess says, "I saaiiiiddd, Do it _itch, Do it!!" Yeah she was calling me WITCH! She was still in character! It did NOT sound like WITCH!! Gotta love these kids!